When I was seventeen, I was admitted to a university in St. Petersburg, to economics faculty. For doing that all by myself fast, quite painlessly, and without getting on anyone’s nerves, my parents prepared me a gift, which they didn’t want to talk about for a long time, only saying, “We’ll go to St. Petersburg to get you settled, you’ll see.” By the way, we’re from a different, much smaller city, from a different part of the country. It’s called Nefteyugansk. My parents seem to still work there and earn decently. Although, where that is now, in what country, on what planet — I have no idea. Everything has mixed up in my conscious, everything is lost.
I arrived in St. Petersburg with my parents on 28th of August. Straight from Pulkovo airport with big bags and suitcases, we took a taxi to Dresden Street. Then into the courtyards, to the second entrance of a standard block apartment building, fourth floor, to the left, a metal door with a crooked number “39”.
Dad pulled out the keys with a proud look.
“Have you rented this?” I asked skeptically. It all looked very suspicious, but I didn’t want to jump to any premature conclusions. For all this time, my parents have been telling me that first I’d live in a dorm and after some time some things might change…
“Almost,” Dad answered businesslike and opened the door.
Behind the door, as it turned out, there was a two-bedroom apartment, about 60 square meters size.
“This is for you, son, for successfully getting in the university,” Dad commented. “Study well!”
“Wow!” I exclaimed. I was shocked. “No way! My own apartment?! And a two-bedroom one?!”
“Well, your father and I thought that you might start a family here, have children…” Mom added quitely.
I shook my head. A family at my age?! And children, really?! But my parents seemed to have already planned everything for me… University, job, family, children… Too bad I wasn’t included in the planning process and thus didn’t particularly support that.
The apartment had a simple renovation — new linoleum and wallpapers. The lamps, sofas, and all sorts of cabinets clearly came from the previous owners.
“You see, we did a simple renovation here,” Dad commented right away. “We put up new wallpapers and laid new linoleum…”
“And the furniture, lamps, and all sorts of cabinets came from the previous owners,” my Mom added. “But when you settle in here, you’ll decide yourself what to change.”
“Thank you so much! What a great gift!” I marveled.
“Just one request, son,” Dad looked at me sternly. “Of course, this is your apartment, and you will make your own decisions, but be careful who you bring here! And please don’t make too much noise. Why attract unnecessary attention from the neighbors?!”
I nodded, not fully understanding what he was talking about.
The first night in St. Petersburg, in the new apartment, was very strange. I don’t know what caused it: the move to a new place, some kind of creepy presence in the apartment, or something else… But I’d never experienced anything like that before…
I slept. I had a dream. But this dream was so clear and so real that I believed in it to the depths of my soul. I sat in a bar in some tropical country, having just drunk a very strange and unpleasant drink. It made me dizzy and turned my stomach upside down. Reality seemed to split into two parts and did not want to come together. It was hard for me to take a breath, let alone to move. Sitting next to me, there was a short-haired blond guy with brown eyes, small lips, an unremarkable nose, and a sharp chin. He asked me some incomprehensible questions, looking somewhere in front of him.
“Matthew, do you know that you are the fifth?” he asked calmly.
I didn’t see how he asked the question or if his lips moved at all, but I knew he was asking.
“Yes, of course I know,” I replied. “It’s obvious!”
“Then you must know what all the others mean and why they exist. What is this? Why is this? Who is this?”
“These are quite stupid questions,” I replied. “I don’t know anything about the others, and how could I know? But it’s been obvious to me since childhood that I’m the fifth.”
The guy sighed and said, “Then I need your help. Without you, I cannot complete my mission.”
“What kind of mission, for heaven’s sake? I want to sleep, and you’re here with your stupid mission,” I grumbled in response.
“Don’t get distracted. Focus and imagine yourself now in several roles, as if on stage in a theater. What comes to mind first?”
“A philosophy professor, assistant of a functionary, a knight in shining armor, a bewildered astronaut, a grown-up boy, a dirty cop, a tired bum, a romantic internet nerd, a broken clerk, a stunning blonde, a Superman-like soldier, a shameless bureaucrat, a friendly bassist, a puppeteer, a banker-analyst, a collective mind, Adam and Ella…”
“Great!” the guy smiled. “We can work with this. As soon as we put it all together, we can reach the 40th with you.”
“No, not 40th!” I pleaded. “That’s wrong!”
I was very scared and uncomfortable, as if a part of me panicked at a thought of this number. There was something completely wrong and empty about it.
“40? Absolutely not! Never,” I whimpered. “Anything but that, please!”
I woke up in my bed in the middle of the night, tears gathering in my eyes. I was scared and confused.
I looked around. The clock showed me that it was four am in the morning. The room was dark. My Dad’s steady snoring was coming from the next room, through the wall.
“What a stupid dream?! What is the fifth? What is the 40th?! What were all those images, and who was that guy?!”
I shook my head, trying to get rid of this obsession, turned to my left side, back to the wall, put my hand under the pillow, and tried not to think about this strange dream anymore. The number forty was in front of my eyes, although I didn’t understand why it could cause such a panic in me. It is just a number, nothing special about it. If it was 41 that would be a completely different story, I would understand. 41 is the prime number, it is fascinating, but 40 is just boring!
I was a bit scared to close my eyes and fall asleep again. What if I returned to that dream again? I preferred to stay in my own consciousness, not in someone else’s, as much as possible… However, obviously, it was all just a dream, and I didn’t want to stay awake until morning, especially given that there was a lot to do tomorrow. So after reflecting about the dream for five minutes or so, I gathered all my courage and, trying to drive all gloomy thoughts away, I told myself to see a sunny pleasant dream. Something good and not depressive. And a dream came to me.